Panama Provings

3-665.52.12 Gloxinia perennis

Introduction

As a girl they feel excited and strong as a woman when at their first menses. Soon she gets cheapened and disappointed, in life and men. But she does not give up and fights to the fullest for her way of life. She becomes a warrior against people who want to use her and belittle her.

Mind

Seduced, abused, embittered.

Confident.

Tomboy, girl between men.

Background

Gloxinia perennis is named after a German physician and botanist, Benjamen Peter Gloxin (1765-1795). The species distinguishes it as a perennial from the annual Martynia annua, whose genus it formerly fell under.

Also known as Cantebury Bells, the erect stem produces mottled stems from 1-2 meters tall with showy nodding bell-shaped, pale purple or violet lavender, mint-scented flowers about 4 cm long. It rises from scaly underground rhizomes. Its often used as an ornamental plant in tropical gardens.

The flowering season is from mid-summer to early fall. The ovoid to elliptical fruits encapsulate numerous minute seeds. The leaves are glabrous, opposite, and veined.

An infusion has been used topically for boils

3-665.52.12 Gloxinia perennis

Proving: trituration proving, Bocas de Toro, 23-2-2016.

Provers: Prover 1: Female, 50s; Prover 2: Male, 40s; Prover 3: Female 30s

Supervisor: Marty Begin ND., HMC.

Start

Starting with sensing, observing, perceiving the plant…

Prover 1: I’m getting allured to the inside of this bloom, feeling a sensuality, being allured.

The bloom is looking vaginal

I’m thinking of a girl, very feminine. She used her beauty to keep her own home

Her budding sensuality was taken advantage of when she’s 11 years old.

I’m going to use my sexuality to get what I want. You want to play that game, you can, but fuck you, I’m going to get what I want.

Using the sexuality to get what I want

Taken advantage of and adapting to someone who took advantage of her

Growing up and dreaming, wondering what else is out there?

She’s fragile and vulnerable. Something happened pre-birth, in utero or in a past life, or involved a war.

The substance is protecting itself, sticky, not making it easy

My hand is tingly and numb. I feel a bloated or swollen sensation around my abdomen, was nauseated, not now.

And I’m getting tension in my head, the crown, as if I’m wearing a hat that’s too tight

This plant brings me back to playing outside with boys in the neighborhood. I got my period for the first time. I went inside, changed clothes, then went back outside and felt very different.

I’m really a girl in this group of boys. I was that little tomboy, playing with the boys, but I’m really different.

C1

Prover 3: As Jan came to the table, I suddenly recalled that being 11. It was summer. I had a crush on a boy around the block. I was swimming in his pool, with my budding sexuality, feeling the excitement and trepidation.

Water was a big thing, being playful and wondering if there’d be an opening for sexual connection in the pool. And that trepidation and excitement and desire and when you told your story.

Prover 1: I flashed to being at the beech when I was 10, and getting my period for the first time and my cousin saying… I was all freaked out…and she said you stay in that bathroom until you get it in!

Prover 2: That’s a coach?

Prover 1: …because you’re going to go swimming with us…and my mother was somewhere else and didn’t find out until a couple days later, and was most upset about thinking I wasn’t going to swim

I was nervous, is this going to be hard to do? I was stuck thinking is this thing is up to me?

It was a time when I was starting to feel sexual, tanned and aware of my body; at that time I was looking at boys

Prover 3: I gave in to my cousins and was adapting. There was tremendous excitement and it was like being on the cusp of power. Kind of scary, the brave new world of sexuality, like I got something here.

Prover 1: That very powerful feeling of maturing, coming into your own, then something happens that it gets cheapened. When I was 9, all the girls in my class were very jealous

Prover 3: Once you get it, its not that fun, but its that first time in realizing that difference between boys and girls, it made me feel like I could be very enticing and lead people on. There was that power. Having a secret energy. I have something very whole and enticing

Prover 3: Like I felt like with this flower, I got this power of seduction.

Prover 2: Like boy’s camp?

Prover 1: It was an internal reality, like what is that? A feeling of space inside, a strength.

Prover 3: Not this absolute power but an attribute of being a female. That flurtaceous feeling of oh my gosh, why do I want to be around this person so much? It’s that physical attraction. I’ve got a crush. Pink, purple, not me but a little girl: pink and purple

Prover 3: A very picture of a little girl with pink and purples, happy innocent, coming into womanhood

Prover 2: I’m not getting of that. Coming to age, its nothing like that…I was hoping it’d clear up my sinuses but…

Prover 1: My vision feels really acute, colors are enhanced, the shadow and light, it all feels delicious, really sensuous. It’s that very sensual…everything….very…it’s like being on ecstasy. I want to rub my skin and …

Prover 2: All these old drug feelings I had in Boquetta came out for me.

Prover 3: You were shrooming?

Prover 2: I remember I ended up really high in the bathroom. My roommates had chewed tobacco. I remember being high with the tobacco. There was too much going on. I stared in the toilet bowl, spitting the tobacco out and watching it spiral into the hole. I thought that was cool. There was something with the shelves, a constant…like this conch I found in Florida that has a spiral shell.

Prover 3: My headache is getting worse

Prover 1: I’m getting these flashbacks with girls and boys – some action in the woods.

Prover 2: A happy trail down memory lane?

Prover 1: There’s a sadness behind my eyes: entering that world of sexuality was dangerous and fraught with the feeling a little girl unprotected; I had no real guides around it…a kind of…I was no longer that free spirited tomboy. It was harder to pull that off. And my mother was giving me a hard time.

It became a bigger issue turning into being a traditional girl and what does that mean about your sexuality? The world isn’t really safe for who I am. There was a sadness and loss, like I have to hide who I am.

Prover 3: I’ve always known I’ve been attracted to girls, but I was with the boys

That first real crush with a female.

This feels really good, then again, then again, then I realized I was attracted to woman. It was clear in 5th grade, then that fear of it.

Everyone was closed. People were saying don’t act like a dyke. You guys are acting like such lesbo’s.

I went to a catholic grammar school, and there was me coming into my own sexuality. This is who I am and what I want.

I was having to suppress it in public school. I walked off that stage for graduation, and I thought I’m so glad to be out of here!

…she said are you going to come out now?

PROVER 1: I was 6th grade and started having a sexual relationship with the girl next door and it was great: really intense.

We stopped speaking and then never spoke again. Literally.

I blocked that out until I was 19, then said to someone in college, ‘that’s not me, I’m not attracted to woman’; then I remembered that. I had totally blocked it. I spent a few years being straight, then came out when I was 25.

Prover 3: A duality, coming into that sexual identity then going back..wow!

Prover 1: Coming to an understanding and those things you describe about sexual ignorance… these different feelings of being physically or emotionally attracted to woman, its so challenging from a heterosexual point of view. It’s fun figuring it out.

But then from the homosexual side, you have all the repression around you: I can’t imagine that

Prover 3: My family was open and accepting, and I have cousins that are gay, my mom’s good friends were all gay.

Prover 1: More of that outside worldview perspective.

Prover 2: How nice

Prover 3: I don’t talk to mom or dad about it, but they can accept it.

Prover 2: I knew a boy that came out in his early teens and his parents suspected something wasn’t right, so they took him to church Everyone was driving into his head how this wasn’t right. It was a hard battle for him for a long time

His parents said: ‘We’ll always love him, but it’s not how we accept him to be’

Prover 1: I’m feeling sad the world is a dangerous place for young girls There’s confusion: there’s this delicious power, but there’s treachery out there too. I could be really hurt.

Prover 3: Something special could be taken very quickly

Prover 1: I really want all that beauty, but I can’t have it.

Prover 3: And with more of that sadness comes anger. This is not fair.

Prover 1: So I’m like: fuck them! This feeling of OK, I’m going to sue this for me and fuck them.

It feels I’ll be a prostitute to get what I need

Like I’m not going to let them betray my sexuality.

I’ll play this game better that you.

It’s about having control over your sexuality, but its self-defense. It can look like control but it feels like self-defense.

Prover 2: I was interpreting as you’re not going to judge me and how I control my body.

Prover 1: That’s not what I’m feeling. I have this beautiful vaginal sexuality, and you’re not going to take it from me. I can’t trust men or the world so I’ll control how I use myself because you will not use me, a fuck you attitude.

Not revenge, its you’re not going to show me up, take what’s mine and think you can just take it.

Like you’re playing a sport and its someone’s taking something from you, and you know you’re better than them. Someone will blindside me because they know they can’t take that from me, so they try to knock you down. You get up and say I’m going to clean your clock while you’re looking right at me.

I’m not going to hide my flower but I’m going to protect it.

But I feel very sad, very heavy. A stiff neck on the right side

The sadness feels like: will I ever be able to experience that sweetness? Where’s the sweetness?

Prover 3: It’s hard for me to look at you.

Prover 2: This guy over here?

Prover 3: I don’t know you, don’t trust you, I don’t want to look at you

There’s anger toward other women who’ve not protected themselves.

Get sorted and figure this the fuck out, get in that bathroom and use the tampon! You can be strong sweet and beautiful: figure it out; stop acting like a girl!

Prover 1: I just want to cry

Prover 3: My hand is numb. The right one

Prover 2: What’s the purpose of the candle?

Prover 1: It’s to help with focus, to acknowledge this is a spiritual process. To purify the space around us

Prover 2: I was trying to remember …We’ve done the ones at S’s house. I like the scraper, the porcelain.

I was 32…I thought I was dying. I had kidney stone. What does this Dr going to want me to take?

He asked if I craved meat, and I said…

C2

Prover 2: Puff-puff-puff…bowl..if you crave it eat it.

Prover 1: Getting fucked with it.

It could be accidental, but its beyond your power, like life is treacherous.

Not that I’m feeling like a specific danger, its more this feeling about the sexuality and sexual energy, I’m in a mine field, there’s danger and treachery, misuse, having to navigate through a scary game.

You could win some things, prizes, or you could get nailed.

That’s how it feels.

Prover 2: Does it feel like life or death?

Prover 1: No, not that scary, but it is scary in as much as I could be misused deceived, ripped off, or hurt. Not rape or murder, its the misuse of this great beautiful thing, being taken advantage of, my preciousness being mishandled.

Prover 3: Not just – it didn’t work out – but – they cheated on me.

Prover 1: But it’s also cheapening me.

Prover 2: A lot of what you’re saying could be from a heterosexual perspective.

Prover 1: I think it is, it’s more of a straight woman. Not a lesbian female rant. The image or the feeling is I’m this gorgeous straight woman, a young girl. I turn a little hard and say fuck you. It’s not going to be misused.

Prover 2: I was still coming off of the high.

Prover 3: its more about being a woman than the sexual orientation.

Prover 1: The images I’m having in connection with the remedy aren’t about my sexual orientation.

Prover 3: A girl with dark hair and a culture that’s very…she’s pretty, coming into her own, a sexual being almost, then becoming this beautiful voluptuous woman and instead of letting herself be preyed upon, its fuck you, like a spicy Latina.

Not street tough, but she can hold her own, like fem-fatale.

And sitting upon a well if sadness, not being able to be fully honored, respected or loved, her integrity not valued, she learned that at a young age, maybe from a family member.

What’s valuable and precious, her young girlhood got cheapened, taken advantage of.

She’s not going to let herself be used, she’ll do the using. And she’s not hardened by making herself look tough, she’s feminine, sensuous, vey aware of her feminine power.

The sadness is embittered too.

Like this is what I have to do.

This is realty, this is what I have to do, I’m resigned I won’t find sweetness, love, dignity.

Prover 3: This is my life, that bitter feeling of settling.

Someone very responsible for her family and others, so a responsibility, this is life, what we put up with. I have to care for my family.

Prover 2: so not a weak girly girl.

Prover 1: That budding sexuality, that’s when it happened.

Prover 3: Something made her feel cheapened. Had to use her beauty as armor or she’d be taken advantage of, or lose her integrity.

Prover 1: I have a headache here across the forehead. A dull constant ache.

Prover 3: Me too.

Prover 1: Above the eyebrow.

Prover 3: Same place for me.

Prover 1: And I felt very eroticized at the start and now I feel heavy, resigned. Life sucks then you die This is what life is? I’ll resign to it and give in.\Prover 3: You do what you have to, to survive.

Prover 1: Not having a hope it’ll be different, kind of grim. And my vision is still really acute, shade, shadows contrast here. The neck thing is gone. My right eye is twitching…I’m entranced with that purple wall.

He built the house.

That…he bush-wacked the whole thing. They got on a bike and drive to a certain point, lets make a path in.

Prover 2: Wow, how long ago?…no towns nothing this was dense jungle.

Prover 3: Pick a clearing and lets see what it looks like.

Prover 1: I feel I want to move out. Like I want to leave.

Prover 2:..be rambling…Closed in at the month. A little claustrophobic.

Prover 3: I want to stretch everything out, open my wings.

Prover 1:..the wing span. Spread your wings and fly away.

Prover 3: The emotions coming up are very much like this plant.

New growth, come into your own, this intense beauty then bam, the shoot comes right away…and its almost like if you look at it, the growth, the buds, and then this mature flower and under that could it be new?

Prover 1: I think the stamen.

Prover 3:..then its protection. Then the white bug.

Prover 2: He’s getting something off the plant, so its willing to share on some level

Prover 1: Not designed to fit in, he (the bug) stands out against the green and dark red stem of the plant. I have a very clear image of this woman were talking about. She’s standing in the doorway, looking out in the distance, has the desire to get the hell out. She’s resigned to her lot in life, but she dreams of getting out.

Prover 3: that hope is not gone, like a dream. She hasn’t given up hope, but she’s resigned to this is what it is. Kids, family, grandkids.

Prover 1: Is anyone else smelling fish, just caught, salt fish a dock.

Prover 2: Coming off the boat type-thing?

Prover 1: yes.

Prover 2: Headache still there?

Prover 1: This is a female plant.

Prover 2: Sorry little buddy..I’m a better listener than a contributor. I’m not really getting anything. No strong emotional feelings or thoughts or memories. Maybe it lends more credence to it being a very female plant.

Prover 1: My stomach a little uneasy, a little burpy.

Prover 3:.and a real tension behind my ears and jaw. If I could get behind my ears into my jaw bone. I may have been clenching my teeth from this headache.

I’ve been clenching my teeth to relieve the pressure.

This is really sore. This burpy sensation.

This budding sensuous sexuality then shifted into a treacherous hole out there, the need to self-protect, then angry and bitter.

Treachery, deception…Misused, a cheapening. The outside world.

The men. Thats why I had to have a man in every group.

That lessening of value coming into puberty

Not so violent but it took away that inner excitement, beauty, sweetness and fabulousness. Then she became very hard, like fuck you. A dark woman, Latino, sensual, very beautiful, a resignation, this isn’t what life is.

I’m responsible for my family. This is it, resigning into the reality, still some hope, wanting to escape.

But maybe they’ll be no hope.

Prover 2: I thought I was keeping up, but then I wasn’t.

Prover 1: There’s a way that with the women its not about you (the man) The woman would say this isn’t about you, you don’t know how I feel.

The cheapening is happening because she was seduced into it. She felt really good like she was beautiful.

They lured her in and there was a sexual event, it cheapened her in relationship to herself.

Prover 3: Someone mislead her, someone she knew, they betrayed her. But she’s strong, and says I’m not letting him have this. Its mine, I’m taking it…headache, bringing on a shoulder ache, it starts in the neck, carrying it into the head…she’s not a happy camper

Prover 2: To counter that I’ve got nothing physical, and usually I get some kind of physical… Whether in my throat etc…The lack of reaction confirms the story in a way because I feel on the outside.

Outside looking in, not a lot to contribute, not seeing the same these women are seeing very clearly

My view is purple walls, lush green tropical plants

I don’t bother trying to have any input.

Prover 3: Maybe that’s how the male feels like I’m trying to understand where you are, and I can’t. There’s no way in.

Prover 1: Any inspiration to reach us?

Prover 2: its not like I don’t want to reach, I’m taking it all in, trying…to understand and keep up…because I’m not by nature the one that turns my back. I’m going to have input but the timing needs to be right. Like the stamen below the pistol, I’m waiting for the right time to do my part.

Prover 1: And the protective stubbly leaf. You are expressing that male side, the good listener, I just got really hot, hot and sweaty.

Prover 2: I love to hear the surf.

Prover 3: its so amazing, I woke up and almost had to do a reality check. That’s the ocean, I’m in the jungle in Panama and now it’s coming tomorrow. That looked like a monarch (butterfly). …The hummingbirds are migratory.

Something white on the tail…. the headache comes in waves. I’m getting stomach unease again.

Prover 2: Now I don’t hear the surf, sometimes very prominent, then its not there anymore.

Prover 1: When I triturate, I have a huge desire to leave, the dream to get out, to escape this reality. Its arisen both times I had the bowl in my paw.

Prover 3: Its like looking in the looking glass.

Prover 1: My neck…from your head and this wave of tension in your shoulder, feels constraining tense, dull and achy. The most constant part is to impress the forehead. It’s a pressure, if you push on it, its relieved momentarily, doesn’t take it away.

Its a wet rainy season… since last Wednesday, there’s been 10 inches of rain.

Prover 3: The flights here were uneventful. I had an appointment scheduled for my passport, asked if they do them the same day…signs on the wall saying that people having their meeting…they were super-accommodating.

The woman got right on it, processed everything.

Back by 11:30, my passport expired in the fall, and then we had to buy our tickets

Then Sally said buy the ticket

So I did and looked at some of those expediting services, they charge you through the roof

So I did the regular processing, and I was shocked to get it Dec 1. Then I got old passport a week later. I have a crappy passport picture. I had the photos taken and the woman who took my picture said don’t smile

This headache and pressure on the neck is very tiring, like I’m carrying the weight

It’s a constant dull ache and then it comes up very strong, then it goes away, then it reminds you its there

I’m tried of carrying the weight

What are these tress?

Prover 2: Lori said ironwood

We saw them at botanical gardens, something similar. Bluebeech?

Lori and I talk about the internal jukebox, there’s the beetle’s golden lumber to carry that weight. A topic the brain associates with it.

C3

Prover 1: Is there something about disruption? Discontinuity?

Prover 3: The other things, jaw tension comes when the headache peaks. Jaw tension and shoulders.

Prover 1: Prover 3 and I are having the same experience. Prover 2 is listening and has to wait. S is distracted. The males are not able to focus.

I need to stretch my shoulders, arms and neck.

Prover 3: Your visions of this woman are very clear.

Prover 1: I have a clarity on all things…I feel so far away from that beginning moment of looking at the plant and flower; it was so beautiful and pleasing, then it feels like a whole other lifetime.

Prover 3: More of the road has been traveled. The excitement was there. It was new, then dissipated.

Prover 1: I feel an ache in the bottom half of my head going into the occiput. There’s a tension or ache, then it goes into my neck muscles and then into the shoulder.

An ache, pressure, tension, I’m holding on, keeping on keeping on.

Got to keep doing what I’m doing, got that far off feeling, dreaming of escape, that plodding quality

There must me more to life, somewhere there’s relief.

Prover 3: a broken dream.

Prover 1: Like everything was exciting, an excitement, there’s this big life, so much coming, and that excitement was broken, the pieces could be there; its that daydream of putting it back together realizing there’s more out there.

My headache is peaking, can find a pattern, it peaks here then just…moving right into my jaw…pretty fast process once it peaks.

Then into my neck, the ache is almost that ache when you have the flu and in its in my neck, a flulike ache, but it doesn’t stay. A couple times after the symptoms go away, it’s almost a lightheadedness, airy, not that I’ll pass out, very airy.

Swimmy.

Prover 1: Fleeting for me.

Prover 3: Yes, It doesn’t stay, a cycle of the headache or the tension.

Prover 2: Look at all the work they’ve done, a new meaning to sweat equity.

Plumbing there…And this is a just a place to hang out. Sally was telling us they want to enclose all this, make it a huge one family home. These are guest houses.

Prover 1: I want to stay here at the botanical gardens. What’s that purple flower?

Prover 3: I like purple and I’ve been looking at that very beautiful flower.

Prover 1:Gorgeous

Prover 3: My hand is numb again. The energy dropped in the last 2 minutes. It’s a feeling now finishing this up, I’m resigning to it, this is what I have to get through, I just have to keep on.

Keep on keeping on.

Prover 2: Pack me above.

I used to love smoking dope, never thought I’d grow up and lose that attraction.

Prover 1: resigned to adulthood?

Prover 2: I just didn’t enjoy getting high anymore; I guess I haven’t really reached adulthood. In some ways, I try to stay young at heart.

Prover 1: The resignation vibe.

Prover 2: To be a goofball, acting like a goof, forgetting things I’m supposed to be doing, occasionally procrastinating.

Prover 3: responsibility…I smoked pot in my 20s, had to be at work, exam tomorrow, I’d just go for it, now its no – I have to work in the morning.

Prover 1: Consequences.

Prover 2: A form of keeping on keeping on.

Prover 3: When Prover 1 was first using that term, it was in light of her reference to reach your dream that’s still out there, to make the move, to keep moving to do something, the plodding forward, keep doing what I’m doing, knowing this woman’s life is about supporting others and kind of suffering this sense that her precious sweetness won’t be loved, regarded or valued, just resigned, how men are how life is, how relationships are, this far off dream, but in the reality of her life is she’s just keeping on. It doesn’t feel there’s room for change.

Prover 2: I said its in regard to adulthood, not the weight that Prover 1 described, but this is reality, I need to maintain my health, live a long and healthy life, hope disease free, take care of yourself and family, you had more resignation.

I’m 53 but still have things to do, can still do things, keep on keeping on to do the things I want to do.

Prover 3: This is how it is, you got to pay those bills.

Prover 2: Keep on having fun, do what you have to, having fun. Messing with my scraper

Prover 3: It doesn’t feel as hot

Prover 3: Yesterday’s walk felt depleting. I could have drunk buckets of water. The thing that this woman is resigned to is not allowing her real depth and beauty to..she knows it’s not going to happen, it’s not going to be seen, loved or valued, in that way she’s cut herself off, and she has the day dream.

Prover 1: A Venus retrograde remedy.

Venus is about relatedness, and about love and affection and about someone’s ability to give and receive love, its about value.

The planets have …one filing behind, only for 6 weeks periods every 6 months, more unreal, an unusual period, not many people born with it.

When a woman is born with it, this whole story is one manifestation of it.

Experiencing devaluation, I’m going to protect myself and be a warrior.

Prover 3: Something to do with interrupting?

Prover 1: “Girl interrupted” was about wayward girls being arrested, mental issues, living in a home, and who they are has been interrupted where they’ve been confined in the system.

Young woman, 17-18, wanted to be themselves have an exciting life, explore their sexuality but not allowed to, one girl given electroshock therapy, the most alive and no-one understood her.

The stuff they would do while confined to make themselves less oppressed, they were viewed as crazy girls from the crazy house.

They’d say: if you want us to be crazy we will be, they’d throw ice cream at the ceiling

Prover 3: Yes, Brittany Murphy, it has strong female cause, a tear-jerker. A great movie. It is a side of this story

Prover 1: Venus retrograde women take on a warrior position for exactly what has emerged today

The “I’m in control and am going to play this game”. Or someone is always victimized, and they have to find a way to grapple with their sexuality etc., all in nontraditional ways.

Prover 3: When it happens people reflect on values and what’s important to them, it can lead to change in relationships, an interesting time.

Prover 1: A lot about value, Venus is about value. I had a whole series of dreams that lead me to astrology. Since the 1980’s the college I went to was known for a school where you did work, studied anything and call it a major, a local teacher was teaching astrology

This speaks to me on such a deep level – I got it.

Then my studies were on my own, then I apprenticed with a astrologer in the 70s, a form developed by a German homeopath, and I didn’t know anything about homeopathy. He took the case of the world around him everyday and then incorporated it into his astrology.

I practiced it for years before coming a homeopath. It’s been a long time. There’s been periods when I was in my 20s when I supported myself on it. I did astrology on the side then… Some stomach weirdness, headache

I’d been thinking the proving was over. Wrong.

Prover 2: My body feels like a damp sponge

Prover 3: The first day is really intense coming from where we live. It was 38 and sunny

The overwhelming dryness of the NE and this humidity is so good

Prover 2: I used to think growing up as a kid….

Discussion

Phase 6- seduced into abuse Cheapened, thinking she does the rejecting now, she’s in control.

A hardened cautiousness, Stage 12?

Do you feel connected or not?

She doesn’t feel accepted.

She’s taking a stance.

What provoked it?

Hurt, cheapened, seduced, disrespected

Phase 2 is the beginning.

The being seduced is phase 6, the moment when she starts getting into contact, there’s still power and excitement.

I’d put it in 5,2.

She wants to expand.

On the one had you’re so vulnerable you can easily be cheapened on other the if you want to get into a fight you can

It belongs to lamiales

Should be stage 5.

Maybe another sub-phase.

That quality that it started when you started getting into a relationship, phase 5 and stage 12 isn’t so expected.

Cheapened might be better for phase 2.

Someone pretends to have a relationship that not there.

Treacherous: 1, 2, 3, 7.

She’s still in contact. At the start it didn’t feel fair. Makes you think of phase 6.

You have the value and it gets taken.

There’s a lot of 5 here too.

You give in, fits with the phase 2. Maybe some aspects are from you and not the remedy, so they’re may be tentative qualities.

Then boom, we saw the same woman and then it was her story. Coming into age, your own sexuality, then it shifted. A gentle man, and the woman is screaming you don’t understand me!

She didn’t shut down her sexuality she expanded into it – which is 5ish. In provings more phases and stages because the series don’t have the emotions.

Themes and Summary.

Feminine, alluring sexuality.

The first menstrual period defines femininity.

The vulnerability, trepidation and fragility of young girls with budding sexuality is getting taken advantage of: needing to adapt to, and protect against the exploiter

Using her beauty/sexuality to get what she wants, keep her home. Turning hard; Taking control by playing a game.

Life is treacherous, its beyond your power, navigating through a scary game.

Something special could be taken away quickly.

A sexual event cheapened her.

The powerful feeling of coming into maturity is enticing and exciting. It’s a secret energy, but it gets cheapened by the misuse of something precious being mishandled. Power of being female: flirting.

From being eroticized to resigned to what you have to do to survive.

A desire to get the hell out, resigned to her lot in life, but she dreams of getting out.

Growing up and dreaming, wondering what else is out there?

Clostrophobic – spread your wings and fly.

The excitement of a dream/big life being broken; the daydream of putting it back together realizing there’s more out there.

Resigned to becoming an adult and thinking of consequences to being silly, smoking pot, doing immature things; resigning into the reality of responsibility.

Sticky to protect itself; anger from other women in not protecting the girl reaching menarche.

Experiencing devaluation, I’m going to protect myself and be a warrior

Wayward young woman’s maturity and value being interrupted by the system; the movie “Girl Interrupted”.

Prostitute to get what she needs.

Plodding and dreaming of escape.

The road has been traveled and now has dissipated.

Men are left out, no way in to understanding the female, they sit and listen, wait for the right time of input; more of a listener than a contributor; the protective stubby leaf.

Tingly and numb hand; bloated or swollen sensation around abdomen, nauseated.

I’m going to use my sexuality to get what I want. You want to play that game, you can.

The substance is protecting itself, sticky.

My hand is tingly and numb. I feel a bloated or swollen sensation around my abdomen, was nauseate.

purple walls, lush green tropical plants

the surf, the ocean, migration, coming off the boat, fish smell.

Tension behind ears and jaw into the jaw-bone; Headache produces teeth clenching

Clenching my teeth to relieve the head pressure, tiring, as if a weight.

Tension in the crown of the head, as if wearing a hat that’s too tight.

Head aching extending into the occiput, neck and shoulders.

Head: flu-like ache, lightheaded, swimmy.

dryness – humidity.

The body feels like a damp sponge.

Uneasy stomach, nausea, belching.